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Christmas 2023 and January Humor share.

Rhino

Rhino

Super Moderator
NOT a modeling subject whatsoever!
Share a joke or a funny Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa story. When the times seem dreary, it is best to keep our collective chins up, don't you agree?
"Rhino, Kwansaa?! Really?"
Hey. it's kinda fun to put on colorful robes, dig a hole and slow roast a goat covered in palm leaves in celebration!
Whaddya think?
 
I'll start with a Santa joke my Dad told me years back.

Santa comes down the chimney and bursts out of the fireplace. He is busying himself with his deliveries when he hears a click. In the corner a lamp has been turned on.
Uh-oh. Caught.
There, lounging on an overstuffed leather couch is a stunning woman in a long red fleece robe.

"Santa, I have waited SOO long to meet you. Can you stay for a little while, so we can chat?"
"Ho Ho Ho, Santa's gotta go. I gotta get the toys to the kiddies, you know."

She rises, long strides on slim, strong legs. She loops her arm around Santa's neck and coos
Santa. Have a cookie. Stay, please for just a little while?"
"Ho Ho Ho, Santa's gotta go. I gotta get the toys to the kiddies, you know."

She slides the poofy red robe off her shoulders, revealing silky red skimpy lengerie, strokes Santa's beard seductively and almost whispers:
Santa. I waited SUCH a long time. Can't you stay here for a moment or two. Please?
The Jolly old Elf nervously replies
"Ho Ho Ho, Santa's gotta go. I gotta take the toys to the kiddies, you know!"

In one fluid motion, the stunning women doffs her teddy and top. She presses her smooth, firm nakedness against a defenseless St. Nicholas
And asks.
"Santa, I insist you stay for only a few minutes. I've been REALLY good this year!
A chagrinned Father Christmas replies,

"Ho Ho Ho! Santa's gotta stay. I cain't get up your chimney with my cock this way!"

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Visual aid.
Happy Christmas!
 
"Did you hear Santa's sleigh was broken down?"
Was it now? What did Santa do?
"He called Mistle Tow."

Courtesy of Curt Young.
 
1998. I hadn't seen my daughters in 16 months and was completely despondent. I was beyond poor, living in a two room apartment. I had pooled what money I had and sent my girls some nice presents, but they were not allowed to talk to me on the phone and had limited access to email. I had talked to my parents and sister and had just settled down to watch something on the TV. There was a knock at the door qandtwo ladies. of the church were there to wish me a Merry Christmas etc. They left and just a fe2w minutes later another knock. It was two young women from one of the local theater groups. They handed me an envelop, wished me a Merry and left.

In the envelop were two airline tickets (open ended) for the next summer for my girls to come visit.

Merry Christmas to all.
 
402650258_925044842488009_3222826458554677885_n.jpg
Mark Karolus shares a Christmas Pin-up.

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Teresa found this one!

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From Francisco Melendez.
He contends this is the old Monogram kit.
 
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement. He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
 
Do you know why the US Army has soldiers guarding their bases and the US Has Marines guarding their ships?
The Army got first choice.

Why would a sailor transfer from the US Navy to the US Coast Guard?
If a USCG ship sinks, everyone can walk to shore.
 
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