Difference between Northern and Southern Football
Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.
Cheerleaders:
NORTH: If you are slightly coordinated, you make the varsity squad.
SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance, & gymnastic training.
Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 hours before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting list. Marriages have been arranged for season tickets.
Women's Accessories:
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of Jack Daniels/Crown. Money is not necessary -- That's what dates are for.
Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, Because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see The few hung-over students that might actually make it to class and throw up on their floor.
Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for The weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.
Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV and wonder why "Game Day Live" never broadcast from their school.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the folks up north.
Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up the day before. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Zac Brown Band," who come over during breaks for a hit off bottle of bourbon.
Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's second largest city.
Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it and stats of previous games, filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for Jack Daniels/Crown.
When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are still less than half full.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect three-part harmony and the local Air National Guard unit does the missing man formation, all pilots are alumni.
Smell in the air after the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of Jack Daniels/Crown.
Commentary (Male):
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Damnit, you slow sumabitch! - tackle him and break his legs."
Commentary (Female):
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Damnit, you slow sumabitch! - tackle him and break his legs."
Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer has a life time contract and also heads the recruiting. He harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song and with a tear in his eye he talks of how far this team has come this season.
After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is emptying out.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker while somebody goes to The nearest package store for more bourbon. Zac Brown band fires up again and planning begins for next week's game.
They must think they will face Australia again :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: 
:laugh: